The Gift of Compassion

While I realize that some of you may have read my Christmas post on Patch, something happened yesterday that filled me so fully with the wonderment of the season that I had to share.

I received the greatest gift I could ever receive yesterday. It was the gift of compassion.

My daughter finished her first semester of college, so we were in a rather celebratory mood. No more worries until January, no more finals, it was all over. Because she did so incredibly well, my husband and I opted to take her out to one of her favorite places to eat. We piled into the truck and headed out.

When we arrived, I was trying my hardest to get past a letter that I had just received, with some not so wonderful news. Suffice it to say that I was wallowing in feelings of self-pity for a bit, until I stopped myself and realized that this was her night, not mine.

When we got to the eatery, Bree and I walked towards the entrance, but my husband was lagging behind. Usually the first one in the door, I was surprised to find him in the parking lot, and it appeared that he was speaking to someone. I walked over to find out what the delay was, and found him chatting amicably with a gentleman in a wheelchair, who appeared rather disheveled.

As it turned out, the man was alone, freezing and starving. He was paralyzed on one side, and the wheelchair was not motorized, so he was wheeling himself around with difficulty. My husband was actually telling him what was on the menu in the restaurant, since the gentleman had never eaten in a Mexican establishment previously. My husband told him to join us, and my old nursing instincts fell into place. I immediately rushed to the man’s aid, pushed him into the restaurant, and we both showed him the large menu on the wall, so that he could make his choice for a meal.

He was apparently confused as to how the restaurant worked, so my husband wheeled him over to the counter and relayed exactly what the man wanted to the worker who was filling orders. We told the man to order whatever it was that he wanted; we wanted to see him satisfied and warm before we ventured home.

I finished paying while my husband got the man a soda from the fountain. I felt badly for him, sitting alone, so I told my husband that we should sit with him to help him to feel less lonely. My daughter balked; this was her night, and it was actually upsetting her a great deal to see someone less fortunate, especially this up close and personal. She was staving off tears as she sat down, and begged us not to sit with him, because it was upsetting to her.

How could I refuse the stranger’s request that we dine with him?

My husband moved our trays to the table in front of our new dining guest, and arranged his chair so that it appeared that we had a huge table before us. The man ate happily, and said that he was incredibly grateful for my husband’s generosity. He began to tell us his tale, and my heart cried as I listened.

Paralyzed from a stroke at the age of 25, secondary to being run over by a hit and run driver. Unable to return to his former place of employment. Left by his wife, who took his three young sons away with her. Struggling on $500 monthly from social security disability benefits, which barely allow him to eat, much less send finances to his children. Living in a room with another gentleman, having been forced to move out of his apartment that he shared with his family. The story grew sadder and sadder, and I watched as he lovingly rubbed his paralyzed hand with his good one. Food caught in his beard as he spoke, and rather than feeling repulsed, I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes.

After relating the story, however, he said something that surprised me. He told us, “Any day that I wake up above the ground is a great day. And I’m truly grateful for the things that I do have.”

You could have knocked me over with a feather. His attitude stunned me.

He continued: “I have three healthy sons, who are all doing well in school. I have God on my side. I have a roof over my head, and I’m willing to work, even though I can’t move my left side. I used to be on all kinds of medication for the pain and spasms, but the doctor told me that it was actually making me worse. I started coming off of them slowly, and I feel better than I ever have. I want to work, because it keeps me sane. And it keeps me off the streets. And I definitely can’t survive on what Social Security pays me, which is why I want to go back to work.” He told us that he wanted to deliver papers for Newsday, but he had no idea where they were located. As I looked at him, I realized that he was still a very young man, perhaps not even thirty years of age yet.

With everything that he had experienced, he had somehow found the positive within the negative. He showed me that there is a lesson in every single thing that Life threw at him, and he was making the best of what I had judged a terrible situation.

I asked him if he would be able to get around, and how he would be able to handle a paper route. He told me that he wasn’t afraid of taking the bus anywhere, and that he would do what he had to, in order to ensure that he could feed himself, send money to his ex-wife for his sons, and keep the room that he was living in. So, I began delving into options on the Internet for him, and soon we came up with an option that could possibly assist him in the future. It felt like I was working again, it felt grand to help someone else, and the best part was that my heart was incredibly light in his presence.

We finished our meal and excused ourselves. I presented him with a gift voucher that I had been carrying around for another restaurant that was local, so that he could have another meal. My husband also presented him with some cash, in order for him to eat for another day. He was truly grateful; I could see tears in his eyes as he told us that the last time he had eaten was several days ago. He told us that most people were repulsed by him, but he was so incredibly grateful that he “came upon” us, as we treated him fairly and without judgment.

He began to tell us that it could be worse for him. He said that he saw a man with one leg, and began to realize that his life could be so much worse, so he prays daily with thanksgiving for his own situation. He said that it taught him so very much about himself, and his own resiliency.

I had to bite back tears.

My daughter was silent for the entire ride home. I felt a twinge of sadness for the man, as though I wanted to take care of him and help him to find his way in the world, but I realized that I could not. My husband drove in silence as well, only speaking once: “I sure hope that guy finds some help.”

Kell, which is the name he introduced himself as, touched our lives last night, in countless ways.

Later that evening, as I looked around at all the things that I had forgotten about, the things I had taken for granted, I realized that most of the time, I get caught up in whatever is going on, and I don’t stop to take the time to be truly grateful for all that I have. I realized that, while getting caught up in all the frivolity of the holiday season, I had forgotten the less fortunate, and that caused me to feel a bit disappointed with myself. We usually go to see “A Christmas Carol” yearly at Theater Three in Port Jefferson, and when we leave, I remember the importance of helping my fellow man. It is not as though I do not, but I realized that by helping this man, I might have been being a little silly, earlier on in the evening. I realized that sometimes, simplicity assists in helping to clear away the cobwebs and truly feel grateful. The less you have, the more grateful you can be for the important things in Life.

Thank you, Kell.

I explained to my daughter the importance of remembering about those who don’t have. She understood, and said that she wasn’t upset with anything, other than the fact that seeing those less fortunate hurts her heart. I told her that the most important lesson to learn is that it is out there, it is real, and when we are given the opportunity to serve, we must make the choice to do so; therein lies the greatest gift of love that is humanly possible.

I am grateful that we met this young man with the strong resolve to make something better of his life. I am so truly thankful for the lesson that I have been shown, and for the opportunity to help someone else. My heart feels bigger somehow, and I feel we were meant to be there last night. My husband surprised me, and I fell in love with him all over again, for he encapsulated the heart of Christmas and the heart of Love by his actions. My mom’s lesson was to always help others, for “we might be entertaining angels unawares.” One never knows.

May we all remember and be truly thankful and grateful for what we have. And may we rise to the occasion when presented with the opportunity to be of service to another, not just at this time of year, but at every single juncture in our lives. God bless us, everyone. <3