The "Special Effects" of Guilt

I recently read an article about emotions and things that no longer serve us. One of the emotions that was listed in the article was that fine old favorite, (I say this with my tongue in my cheek) guilt.

Yes, guilt. That favorite tool, employed by those who feel the need to keep others in control. That emotion that is usually thrust upon another, who is most likely at the mercy of the one inflicting the guilt. It’s a favorite bargaining tool, in order to get what one wants. It’s also emotionally corrosive.

I could easily say that I’m an expert in feeling guilty. I was raised by Italian Catholic parents, and as anyone of similar background can tell you, yeah, we deal with a lot of guilt. I lived for many years in fear that God was going to “strike me dead” because I looked cross-eyed at another person, or that my mother was going to bestow the “evil eye” upon me. I never missed a Sunday at church when I was growing up, for fear that I’d end up spending eternity with Mephistopheles. I was incredibly conscious not to do anything that might have been construed as “out of line” by my parents, because my mother constantly drilled it into my head that she had “eyes in the back of her head”. Once, I remember asking my sister to please look at the back of Mom’s head, to be sure there wasn’t another face beneath her hair.

Parents use guilt to help keep kids in line. Spouses sometimes wield it as a weapon, in order to get their significant others to do what they want. School aged children will tell you that their teachers sometimes use guilt in order to establish control in the classroom. Even children will use this tool in order to get what they want, with a plaintive, “you never buy me anything that I want!” Many use this emotion as naturally as they use the air to breathe.

People are not the only ones who inflict guilt. Following a certain mantra in our lives can also cause us to feel the burden of this emotion. For example, we might feel a twinge of guilt if we forget to tithe a certain amount of money weekly into the collection plate at church. We might experience guilt when we forget to take care of a matter that we promised someone, quite some time ago. We also could suffer the effects if we go against the grain of what society has deemed conveniently as “normal behavior”. There are so many examples of guilt giving in our society that we’ve most likely grown immune to its “special effects”.

Sometimes, guilt can have a positive effect. For example, a child takes something that doesn’t belong to them, and is then filled with remorse for having done something that their parents would not approve of, as well as the fear of getting caught. In this case, guilt enables the perpetrator to realize that they did something wrong, and will hopefully learn from the experience. Guilt can prevent us from cheating on a test, or from tasting a grape in the produce department. In this way, guilt can help to restore some order in the natural flow of things.

Most of the time, however, guilt can become deep-rooted into a person’s character. This is where dis-ease and a myriad of other issues present themselves. We begin to live in fear, because we are frightened of the outcome of our behaviors. Should we feel badly because we are having an “off” day, and thus allow the answering machine to field our calls? In a situation such as this, we could feel worse due to the guilt that surrounds us, because we didn’t take the call in the first place. However, when we begin speaking on the phone, our answers are short and sometimes terse. It would be better off not to even take calls on days like that in the first place. We could, unknowingly, cause the person on the other end of the telephone to feel that “guilt” of having disturbed your peace, thus disturbing their own. Should we say “no” when we feel that we are already handling too much on our plates to take any more responsibilities upon ourselves? We should be, but a lot of the time, we force ourselves to say “yes”. It’s during this process that we feel resentful and overburdened, and the task that was supposed to be helping another ends up hurting both the asker and ourselves.

Guilt causes us to feel anxious and fearful of everyday situations in Life. If we feel guilty about letting go of something because we couldn’t physically do it, we could end up feeling anxious that we might never be given another chance to experience said situation. We might feel afraid that we might not ever get another chance, either. Guilt’s best buddies, fear and anxiety, tag along on guilt’s coattails. It’s important to look at these emotions, when looking to release things that no longer serve, as they are frequent passengers on the guilt train.

Guilt can also present itself in other ways. Some people have a tendency to overeat or spend too much money, in an effort to prevent themselves from feeling guilty. Guilt can cause us to become so incredibly anxious that we are unable to function well in certain situations. Those riddled by the emotion can also build up walls in their minds, preventing others from helping to ease the strain and pain. This is where reaching within oneself can greatly assist with the release of long-held guilt. However, this process is long, and sometimes painful. In this case, a qualified therapist who is experienced in anxieties and guilt related behaviors can greatly assist those who suffer from this malady.

Life is a wonderful teacher. When guilt tries to nudge itself into my life, I allow it to sit there for a little while. When we deny the existence of something, it will come back to bite us, if we do not acknowledge its presence. I let it remain, to find where it needs to teach. Sometimes, guilt prevents me from making a costly mistake. Sometimes, guilt helps me to see that perhaps someone really does need me, and I need to make the time to assist. Sometimes, I realize that emotions are there to warn us, to prevent us from doing something that might have a detrimental effect on us. And, when I am finished “playing with” guilt, I let it go, so that I can be free of it. It has taken me a long time to do this, and I am not always successful with it, but I try. And that is the main thing – one has to at least attempt to let go of the guilt.

Whether you are on the receiving or giving end of guilt, understand something – guilt is an emotion. It has to be dealt with, or it will end up controlling you. This is why meditation and taking time to take stock of your emotions is so very vital to your own emotional health. If you are dealing with something that is upsetting you, it’s best to look at it, head on, and deal with it. If you are having difficulty, there are more than enough counselors in our area that are trained to assist you with removing guilt, along with its “special effects”. Letting go of things that no longer serve us, like guilt, help to open us up to the beauty of Life, and to greater possibilities for our own personal success.