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Computers Stink

A detailed analysis of why computers stink.

Well, computers don’t actually stink, though sometimes mine lets off an odd smell. But they are definitely not doing for us what we thought they were going to do. We thought they were going to make us smarter, make our lives easier. Instead, they are ruining our brains. I can prove this, quantifiably, but I would have to Google it in order to prove it. That should be proof enough. Double proof is that Microsoft Word corrected the previous two sentences. “Fragment. (Consider revising),” it said. The nuns in Catholic school had to hit me in the head in order to recognize a fragmented sentence. Now the computer just does it for me. And it doesn’t have to hit me.

Though it does absorb every iota of attention I have. It makes me start typing as soon as I wake up, and then all day until just before I go to bed. There was a time where you could go to work, and then come home. And when you were home, work stopped happening. But sometime in the recent past, I can’t tell which season of “Friends” it was, or which Clinton or which Bush was in power, but it all changed. Now people are “e-mailing” me all day and all night. And it’s not like I am so super important that this should be happening. Everyone is experiencing this (at least, everyone with a computer). But my consolation is that in-between e-mails, while I have access to every piece of knowledge in human history, I play “Words with Friends.”

Due to this constant barrage of information, whether it is work, the subsequent data required to do the work, the e-mails reacting to the work in progress, and distraction of Facebook, news outlets, games, blogs, and did I say Facebook yet? Anyway, I have no idea where my wallet is. Or my iPhone. You know, the device with the e-mails and the “Words with Friends.” I can’t find them anywhere because the computer ruined my brain.

Banking was supposed to be easier, too. Instead, banking has become an “Alice in Wonderland” type rabbit hole of inability, from Teller to Chairman, where no one knows how to cancel a check, transfer a payment, or even “know what risk we were actually exposing ourselves to.” Now we have “financial instruments,” which sounds like the tools used by Terminator-like “Sky Net” evil robots intent on destroying us all. I never figured the Banks would be how the machines would infiltrate and eliminate us. I thought it was going to be through the military, or phones, or television, or the power grid. But, using money?

Speaking of money, people are spending an awful lot of time trying to figure out how to make money using these things. I know I am. Computers are actually wiping out or at least severely damaging many businesses. Patch is the digital answer to a small town newspaper, a business that even the New York Times is trying to figure out how to stay in without hemorrhaging money. Computers are eviscerating the music business, the movie business, TV networks, and even publishing. Forget publishing. They are going to be the first serious casualty of these devices. Physical books will become odd collector’s items. Physical books will, very soon, not be necessary at all.  Publishers will no longer be necessary. Anyone with one of these brain-destroying devices who can structure a non-fragmented sentence can then sell his/her book on Amazon. While industries (The Post Office is in danger!) are slowly getting wiped out because no one needs to BUY anything anymore, people will still need to work around the clock because of computers. (See paragraph 2)

In the greatest irony, wrapped inside of an enigma, bound into a Chinese finger trap, is the news that Facebook’s IPO is a bust. The stock value is plummeting only days after it was offered to the public. It’s because no actual “product” is made. Nothing is sold or bought.  How is that possible? Doesn’t every advertiser purchase ads on it? Don’t they have more viewers than all the networks combined? If a device designed to put all other forms of communication out of business cannot itself build a successful business, isn’t that the economic equivalent of a black hole that will simply suck every one of us into its vortex?

Has anyone seen my wallet? I know I left it around here somewhere.

By the way, go check out my blog at cartoonlagoonshow.blogspot.com, because eventually I am going to convince the computers to help me and my partner to make, sell, and distribute a puppet show. 

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Pat Giles May 23, 2012 at 11:57 AM
Thanks Jeri! Yeah there is now a "digital wallet," that's how they are really going to get us.
Pat Giles May 23, 2012 at 12:15 PM
Facebook may be in serious trouble: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/22/facebook-stock-price_n_1536410.html
Helen May 24, 2012 at 11:47 PM
Pat! Wonderful! So well said. I was sucked in by your article. So true, every description of Computer Galaxy. We humans are dumber thanks to machines and so it will be a very easy battle when we lose, even if it is thru banks. We rely on our 'puters to do everything for us - and our smart phones to figure out everything else, and they'll be more apps than people in NYC by winter. If you have not created an app - well, you are almost a lost soul, aren't you? Guess I'm hanging on to my "dumb" phone forever - it's easier to live in the dark......unintended reference to my other post on 'puters and our time......LOL
Pat Giles May 25, 2012 at 12:30 PM
Thanks Helen! Yes it's pretty funny Jeri and I posted elsewhere here about the same topic on the same day. Facebook's lost 100 million bucks in value one week into it's public offering. There is something inherently wrong with the combo of computers and commerce. The work TOO well.
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