Invisible Lexus

 Did you do well on Black Friday? Yes? Well you are ruining Christmas for everybody.

Of course, not all by yourself. In fact, you should also be considered a victim. Industry is ruining Christmas.

Let me establish some givens. First, I am not a very religious person. I identify myself as a "Recovering Catholic." Yet, I respect the right of every religion to do whatever the hell they want. But, from what I remember of my Catholic teachings, "Black Friday" was nowhere on the list of holy days related to the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. I think that JC would frown upon the whole affair. That's not even the reason I think Black Friday is so bad. We long ago passed the point of Jesus' relevance to shopping. It's the crass disregard for human beings that industry displays in the marketing hype behind Black Friday.

This new "holiday" is a blatant self-serving machination designed to serve..."them." CNBC feverishly reports on the various Giant Corporations that need to have a successful Black Friday in order to get the "Red" off of their corporate earning reports. They are so happy with how they have brainwashed us to serve "them" that they have arrogantly extended "Black Friday" to Thursday night, which is of course THANKSGIVING. Let's not get too involved with the hypocrisy of that holiday (where we celebrate the first meal with the native people of this continent, just before we killed them all). It has, at least, become a day where we get to take some time off from our jobs (where we serve THEM) and spend time with our families. Now they want us to leave our families mid-turkey coma to go out and serve THEM by bringing their corporate earnings reports from RED to BLACK. Here's an idea: why don't you sell your products to us at reasonable prices for the rest of the year? Because it's not about us. It's about THEM.

Linus (of Peanuts) was right all those years ago on the Charlie Brown Christmas special. Charles Schulz insisted that there be a monologue describing the TRUE meaning of Christmas inserted into the show. The network executives tried to kill it, but Schulz won out. Linus lamented the commercialization of Christmas. But the commercialization of Christmas has only become more and more brazen as time has passed since then. 

Let's establish another given. I know my cartoons that accompany these rants are often a mystery to readers not steeped in comic-book geek culture. So let me explain this week's puzzle: an "Invisible Lexus" is a play on Wonder Woman's Invisible Jet. But it is also a knock against the marketing of cars during the holidays. Who in the hell can afford a CAR as a gift for your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband or fill-in-the-blank? If you do, in fact, get a Lexus for Christmas or Hanukkah, well, Mazel Tov. I am sincerely happy for you. But again, you are ruining BOTH holidays for all of us. 

My advice to religious Christians would be to OCCUPY CHRISTMAS. Same with Chanukah (I am going to try and use all of the various spellings in case there is some preference I am unaware of). Kwanzaa is too young of a holiday and still seems to be about culture and family and food, so let's wait on that one. On Black Friday, people camped out (CAMPED OUT!!) to get low, low prices. Some were pepper-sprayed, trampled, beaten, or otherwise treated inhumanely. 

I thought these holidays were for THE KIDS. Buy them a new toy, have a happy morning or evening, drink some egg nog with some booze in it, and cap off your year with a warm feeling in your heart. NO! You have to get your in-law the perfect and thoughtful tchotchke that tells them you appreciate them! How about a hug? Nope. That doesn't serve THEM at all. 

Guess who LOVES the holidays. Ebenezer Scrooge. He makes his numbers on the holidays. He knows EXACTLY how to manipulate you all into tiny pup tents on a cold (or unseasonably warm due to climate change from all the carbon he pumps into the air) November night. Please, literally for the love of GOD, take back your holidays from jerks like him. Buy your loved one an Invisible Lexus, give them a really big hug, and go back to bed. Or to church. Or not. Just stop helping Scrooge get richer.