Mom Talk: What to Do About Kids and Computers

When the parents of today’s kids were growing up, computers were creatures of the science or business world but certainly not a part of every day life. Fast forward to the present and  computers are at the center of their children’s  learning, socializing and daily functioning.

 In any given day, a child may be using the computer to download music, access movie times, research a school assignment and connect with friends. Indeed, in the Plainview school district, computer training is so essential that it is provided to incoming students at the kindergarten center.

While the computer is a valuable resource, it also creates concerns and questions for parents. How much time should children spend on the computer? How much supervision should there be? Are there sites children should not be able to access?  Should children have profiles on  Facebook and other social networking sites?

Earlier this month, First Lady Michelle Obama announced on the Today Show that her daughters do not have profiles on Facebook.  Should the rest of the country follow suit?

Decisions about use of the computer are individual to each family and the rules adopted will most likely be consistent with the overall parenting approach of the particular household.  But, because of the newness of the technology, parents find themselves in unchartered territory and often seek some general guidelines.

Age will factor heavily into the sort of access a parent wants to allow, with the supervision being the greatest for a young child.  Parents might instruct their young children that interacting on the computer is like inviting someone into the home such that they need to be careful in their use.  Instead of placing a computer in the bedroom, particularly  in the case of a pre-teenager, parents may want to keep the child’s computer in the family room or kitchen, where oversight is most feasible. 

In addition, parents may want to prevent access to sites with adult content and  software  can be installed on the child’s computer for that purpose. Similarly, there should be a limit placed on the time spent on the computer. If a child is favoring time on the computer to the detriment of extracurricular activities like sports or face to face interaction with friends, that is a signal that computer time is being abused. One Plainview father installed a program which caused his daughters’ computers to shut off automatically at a given time in the evening.  

Perhaps the biggest clash between parents and their kids arises over the use of Facebook and other social networking sites.  Although the First Lady’s pronouncement about her kids and Facebook fueled much comment,  her stance was merely in line with the site’s own regulations which prohibit access to children, such as hers, who are under the age of 13.  Parents should be certain that their children do not defeat this age restriction by using false birthdates.  As for teenagers, who will likely have a profile on  Facebook by high school age, parents should instruct their children to only “friend” people they know and  to be aware that pedophiles can  assume fake identities, even purporting to be peers or younger, to gain access and information.

Realistically, parents should know that notwithstanding their rules, children- particularly older teenagers- often wind up communicating online with friends of friends who are so removed that they have no direct connection; thus children must be instructed not to meet up with or provide personal information to someone who is an online contact and to utilize appropriate privacy settings available on the site.

Parents might want to also impress upon their children that content they post or allow to be posted about themselves now may surface at any time and could interfere with college and job opportunities in the future.

Parents should check in with their children constantly to be certain that they are not involved, as perpetrator or victim, in cyber bullying or other inappropriate online conduct. Although there is no dispute that communication on the computer has become invaluable,  the lines of communication within the home remain even more so.